What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
