I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
