I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
