She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
