What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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