just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
