My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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