Having a random hookup so left but love u
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
