You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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