Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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