i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
