I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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