I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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