Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
