What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
