She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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