No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i've created a new STD.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
