everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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