you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
