a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
