I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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