you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
