So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
