My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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