It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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