Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
