There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
