I'm gonna have a badass scar
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
