If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
