i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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