508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
