party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We had to coat check the pizza.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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