I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think my moral compass just broke
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