If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
