Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
