I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
