can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
