Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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