dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
