I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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