I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
