I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
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No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.