He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me