Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.