angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
