just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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