i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
