I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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