I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I looked at my own cervix.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
