imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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