His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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