so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
