you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My ATM looks so different sober.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
