Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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