Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
