i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
