She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
