I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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