how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
