: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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