you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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