This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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