I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
