Small penises have feelings too.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
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