i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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