Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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