Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize