i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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