Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Randomize
