She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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