I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
