I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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