That's intense
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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