Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
