can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
