I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
