my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
