how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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