I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
