Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
