Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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