she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
