No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
