Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
