My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
